The Journey to 30 and Finding Meaning in Endings

Hi, I’m Ozzy and this is my journey to turning 30.

I’m currently 29 years old, living in Santa Monica, California.

I have about one month left of my 20s, and turning 30 is something I’ve been somewhat dreading. The older I get, the less desirable I feel to society. I don’t know if that thought is shaped by my own limiting thoughts, men (some), or going through my own process of finding meaning in endings.

I want to share my journey of how I’ve reshaped my thoughts from the above, to alternatively, finding the positive meaning in endings.

Roaring 20s:

I thought that my life would be over at 30 (I’ll talk more about this later), and I know that sounds dramatic, but that’s the reality of how my thoughts shaped my belief system.

At your early 20s, you feel the most alive; like anything is possible. You feel desirable by society, powerful in some ways, and reckless in some; but in a good way. You have so much energy. You’re not that wise, although you think you are, and you think anything is possible; however realistic it may be.

Then, your late 20s really shape you and bring more truth to the reality of life.

The reality is that the high you’re on in your early 20s isn’t as realistic as you thought and it doesn’t last, as nothing in this life does. You get to understand that being a real adult and how you pictured your life are two different things to how you imagined.

I’m not here to say 20s aren’t great, but they’re definitely a roller coaster of a ride. And I’m finally ready to come off of that ride.

How I feel about Turning 30:

Reframing my thoughts.

As I’m slowly approaching my 30s, I’ve learned to reframe what I initially thought about turning 30, and escape from every thought that made me feel undesirable. I’m slowly learning that 30’s are actually my prime time, and I should get excited about it.

I’m a lot wiser (actually wise this time), healthier, have way more inner peace, and am so much more confident than I ever was in my early 20s. Those are all the things I am excited to bring into my 30s, and to work on into my next decades that is yet to come.

For a while I felt lost about turning 30.

Lost because I’m not where I thought life would take me. I’m not married, I don’t have kids, a house or a career I thought I would pursue.

But, I feel whole in other ways because as I am getting older, I feel more connected to my intuition, and have a lot more inner peace than ever before. I am learning each day to practice gratitude for where I’ve been able to take my life and learning to find joy in the smaller things.

I’m not where my mom was at my age, but I know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

And each day, I am learning to get back to my roots and follow my path to authenticity.

I thought I would have everything figured out by 30.

Growing up, I thought that I was supposed to be married by 25, have kids, a house, and “start my life”. I thought that I would be married to one guy for the rest of my life and that it would all really just be a fairy tale. Or…at least really like any of the early 2000 rom-com movies. 

Finding meaning in endings.

Now, I look at my life at 29, at the brink of 30, and yet, I don’t see how any of that could be true.

For one, I don’t look at marriage the same way I used to. I find that partnerships, whether you are married or not, are spiritual journeys that help us evolve. These journeys could last one year, five years, fifteen or even thirty years — and then they come to an end.

And that’s okay. 

Endings, I believe, have a purpose and I’m at peace with endings. In fact, this life and Earth are built on endings. Whether that’s in nature or in the human journey, we all experience endings. One of the greatest endings we all know is death.

So I’ve learned, endings are part of reality and I am okay with reality. I find that if we fight with reality we experience suffering. Alternatively, there is so much more inner peace when you allow reality to do what it needs to.

Being more grateful in the journey ahead.

What’s next for me? I’m not sure. I live in my dream state. I made the bold move from Boston at age 27; a defining age I hear.

Now, I’m at a place where I feel the most alive at this moment in time.

Currently, I am trying to be more intentional with my time and life. 

I feel incredibly lucky to have the opportunities I have and I no longer want to fight with not being where I thought I should be at this point in my life nor be consumed with the thoughts of where I want to be.

I’m exactly where I need to be.

Mundane.

I find that as humans, we can get too comfortable with the mundane, everyday living. And with that, we may habitually overlook what we need to change or how we need to adjust in order to evolve. Or worse, not be grateful for what we already have. It’s a balance of realizing what you have is amazing, but at the same breadth fighting mediocrity for a life of purpose.

My goal is to break from habitual living, and with mindfulness, appreciate the small moments of life. However, I’m still learning to take action on the things that have meaning to me and make me feel the most alive; whilst honoring my time.

Desires.

I recently learned that the desire for a more positive experience is in itself a negative experience. And accepting a negative experience is a positive experience. So, although I want to focus less on the negative, I also want to welcome all experiences. For me, it’s about knowing life is hard, each day isn’t perfect, but learning to find the middle in between. Each day can be special in some way and we also have the control to create a life that’s meaningful and exciting for us.

Flowing through.

Life has taken me here, in this moment in time, to be here typing this story to you. I can’t be certain that life will flow through in a way that is smooth or how I picture it, but I know that in the end it will flow through how it’s meant to. 

So far, life hasn’t paved itself in a way that I have imagined thus far, and yet looking back, the dots connect and everything is as it should be. I’m at peace with this moment.

A bigger purpose.

Looking ahead, there’s a part of me that feels that I have some sort of mission to complete here on this Earth. Like there’s a bigger purpose. I haven’t found it yet, and I know I will keep searching for it.

As Steve Job’s said: 

If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.

Steve Jobs

But, on the other hand,  I am at peace if I never do find what this big purpose is or what it really means. I know at this moment in time, my purpose is to be curious. Each day, that purpose will change. And I know that we will never really have all the answers we seek, and that’s okay. I know being present in the journey is the most important aspect of it all. Even more crucial is always following your heart.

I don’t let the thoughts of what I’m supposed to do consume me. I get curious about it, and then I let go and go on with my life.

Something big.

All I know is I’ve always wanted to do something big with my life. Not sure what big is to me or how I want to define it, but it’s what I’ve always felt in my heart.

This brings to mind my other favorite quote:

Closing a chapter.

20’s for me have been about being a fighter. Trying to find the horizon where it didn’t seem to exist or impossible to get to. 20’s weren’t easy. But as I look back, I see the dots connecting to get me to this moment. I see the beauty in it. I know that 20’s were my primer, and 30’s will be a new defining chapter of who I truly am meant to be. I let go of all the thoughts of feeling like I will be less desirable, less relevant or really less of anything. On the contrary, I’m ready to play even bigger with my life.

As I’m in my last few months of my 20s, a defining decade, I am getting ready to close this chapter of my life. I am excited to go into this new decade with a lot more confidence, strength, inner peace, freedom, self-love and understanding of who I am at my core. More so than ever before. I look forward to all the experiences, good and bad, that allow me to feel most alive.

I have no way of knowing when my ending is, and I know that I may not be too old or too young, but I am starting to believe that we need to give this thing called life our best shot. I’m ready to play bigger, go on more adventures and make decisions on what I truly want vs what people want of me. Additionally, I’m ready to express more of my creativity.

Lastly, most of my 20s were spent dealing with my mental health and surviving. Now, the journey is about protecting my inner peace and going confidently in the direction of my wildest dreams.

As my life is expanding to this new reality, I welcome it. I am grateful that I fought to get to this point. That I never gave up. I fought through my tough days in order to grow wiser, stronger and be at more peace than ever before. 

So here’s to being almost 30, finding meaning in the ending of this chapter, and being grateful and excited to live each day in this expansive world. In the midst of it all, I will always believe magic is all around me.

I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I’m excited.

See you soon 30s,

Ozzy

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